emotional roller coaster

12 05 2009

Note: Much rambling ensues below….

That’s an apt description of the past week for me as B has nursed less and less, and fought me more and more. He is approximately the same age as K was when he stopped (though his was for a much different reason!)

It was very hard with K because I had dreams of nursing him to a year or more. This time, I was lucky we made it to 6 days…6 weeks…6 months! After a HORRIBLE latch, having me leaving the hospital bloody and in much pain, and then 6.5 weeks of battling thrush, and then B wanting to nurse non-stop in the evenings for the first few months of life (K was a non-stop eater all day, and then screamed all night, lol…B had to be FORCED to eat during the day and then wanted to make up for not eating from about 5-11pm).

As he decided to nurse less and less, I started pumping more and more to try to get as much milk as I could for him, but, that dwindled pretty quickly.

As I laid in bed in tears Saturday night because it was after 10pm and I still hadn’t pumped, Zach reminded me what an awesome job I’ve done and how much B & I went through, what a great mommy I was and my status as a mom did not revolve around how long or much I nursed or pumped for my child.

He left the decision in my hands: Throw in the towel, relax and cherish the moments I had with nursing B….or continue to stress over trying to pump every couple hours with a toddler and near-crawling baby, and stressing over how much, or little, I was getting…

I laid in bed for a long time thinking…And even spent most of Sunday and yesterday thinking…

Today, I will pack up the pump and get off the ride.

What a joy and privledge to provide for my sweet boy as long as I did…

for now….turning the page to the next chapter…

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