emotional roller coaster

12 05 2009

Note: Much rambling ensues below….

That’s an apt description of the past week for me as B has nursed less and less, and fought me more and more. He is approximately the same age as K was when he stopped (though his was for a much different reason!)

It was very hard with K because I had dreams of nursing him to a year or more. This time, I was lucky we made it to 6 days…6 weeks…6 months! After a HORRIBLE latch, having me leaving the hospital bloody and in much pain, and then 6.5 weeks of battling thrush, and then B wanting to nurse non-stop in the evenings for the first few months of life (K was a non-stop eater all day, and then screamed all night, lol…B had to be FORCED to eat during the day and then wanted to make up for not eating from about 5-11pm).

As he decided to nurse less and less, I started pumping more and more to try to get as much milk as I could for him, but, that dwindled pretty quickly.

As I laid in bed in tears Saturday night because it was after 10pm and I still hadn’t pumped, Zach reminded me what an awesome job I’ve done and how much B & I went through, what a great mommy I was and my status as a mom did not revolve around how long or much I nursed or pumped for my child.

He left the decision in my hands: Throw in the towel, relax and cherish the moments I had with nursing B….or continue to stress over trying to pump every couple hours with a toddler and near-crawling baby, and stressing over how much, or little, I was getting…

I laid in bed for a long time thinking…And even spent most of Sunday and yesterday thinking…

Today, I will pack up the pump and get off the ride.

What a joy and privledge to provide for my sweet boy as long as I did…

for now….turning the page to the next chapter…


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2 responses

19 05 2009
heather

i remember going through that with avery…i never really nursed him except for the hospital and then pumped for 2 weeks. it was hard to decide not to keep pumping…so far we are doing well with Quinn. You just have to do what is right for you and your family.

25 05 2009
zach

proud of you honey!

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